9th of March

“Whatever you focus on will grow.”

- anonymous

I believe that a number of people have stated this, or something a lot like this, over the years. So, since I know of one source that said this anonymously (and cannot find anyone else who phrases it quite like this), I'm going with that. In this case who said it is not nearly as important as what is said, anyway. 

I find this statement to be startlingly true. With the exact same conditions from one day to another, I can see things as being vastly different, depending on my mood, and what I am focusing on. Huge difference... all in my head. Hmmm.

The source of the quote went on to talk about his partner, and how if he focused on what, in her, bugged him, then she just got worse and worse in his eyes, and as a result, she withered right in front of him. But, when he focused on the good in her, and all the reasons he loved her, then she just blossomed - in his head, but also in life. He talks quite a bit about seeing “things as they are”, which is important. I can make something into something it's not, if I focus hard enough on it.

Whether it's a day, my partner, a friend, my job, one of my children... I can always find something that irks me, if I let my head dwell on such things. I can also – very easily – remind myself of the sundry reasons that I enjoy all of those people or situations and what I have to be thankful for.... Chances are if I am focusing on what's positive in my day and in the people around me, I will have a great day. If I choose to focus on the negative, it is a cinch that I will not have a great day... in fact, I will have a bad day, indeed.

So, it would seem that this whole thing is obvious, and that I should rather easily remember to do just that. But, I am human, and I can get cranked up about things, and then I forget. 

A good friend, and mentor, once showed me how to do a 'Gratitude List'... simple thing really. Piece of paper... draw a line down the middle. Left side: what I am thankful for in my life. Right side: what I consider to be a pain in the neck, or an obstacle in my life. I can do this with my whole life in mind, or I can focus on one aspect. It helps to get it down in black and white. I can see clearly what is there in my life – the things to be happy about/thankful for, and the things that need addressing, or letting go. I do these periodically... they are good reminders. It is usually pretty easy to focus on the positive, having just done one. Try it out. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Focus” - n. 1.) the center of interest or activity. 2.) an act of concentrating interest or activity on something. 3.) the state or quality of having or producing clear visual definition.

With an even, grounded perspective, I hope to focus on what is positive in the people around me – particularly my family and friends – and also to focus on what is positive in the situations that I find myself a part of. 

wee tiny lapse...

had a crazy week !!  will be up to speed here, in short order -

8th of March

“It is not the pearls that make the necklace, but the thread.”

- Gustave Flaubert

Leave it to Monsieur Flaubert to see something in plain view and present it in a way completely opposite to the usual perspective... or opposite to not thinking about it at all. When I first read this quote, it was very much like my first time seeing that drawing where from one particular focus you see the old witch-like lady, and if you shift your perspective, you see the beautiful young woman. Of course it is the thread ! Cannot believe I didn't see that.... 

Now, to be sure, thread on its own is just thread, not a necklace. You need a bit of both. But if I pull back to view my family, or my life, with this quote in mind, it reminds me to view the smaller, less obvious things, with equal, or even greater, importance. Great to have the big days, full of events, and important moments. But most of our days are not like that, most of them are regular days. These are the days that make a life. What keeps that life from being mere existence are the pearls, so to speak, but they are held together by the day in, day out habits and occurences. 

Big bunch of pearls is just that without some kind of throughline, something to hold one thing next to another. While the 'pearls' are excellent and wholly inspiring – first tooth, first word, big splash in the school play, a fantastic anniversary dinner, a ringing success on something you have worked on a long time – today, I toast consistency, the throughline, the everyday. I toast what makes it all hang together, what makes it meaningful. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Perspective” - n. 1.) the art of drawing solid objects on a two-dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth and position in relation to each other when viewed from a particular point. 2.) the relation of two figures in the same plane. 3.) a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

I hope to remember to realize the worth of the smaller details, and see that what makes things meaningful is often not the most obvious thing. My perspective makes a world of difference in how I see what is before me. 

7th of March

“It is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”

- Abraham Maslow (20th century American psychologist)

Maslow wrote on many topics, but the main thread of his work was about self-actualization, and he was very intrigued by what he called “Peak Experience”. He chose to study people who seemed to be high-functioning, self-actualized people, rather than what society would have called “sick” people at the time. Einstein and Lao Tzu were two of the Peak Experience  people he studied most thoroughly; I love that his subjects, while nearly all extraordinary in one way or another, were from vastly different disciplines. 

Maslow's 'Hierarchy of Needs Theory; is worth looking into by the way... It may seem obvious at this point in time, but there are some good reminders in there. 

One of the big things in this quote is the understanding that problems have a variety of solutions, and one needs a variety of tools to handle them. Treating everything as a nail, doesn't work particularly well. I don't think there are many who would argue this point. Everyone is given a set of tools to work with that are pretty basic, and largely determined by genes and environment. Obviously, some have tool boxes that are a little more stocked than others by the time they reach the age of adulthood. The key though, is that the tools are pretty much available to anyone who wants to work to acquire them. Those tools may come from all corners, from all manner of discipline, but one way or another you can find a way to add to the variety of tools you have access to. 

One big thing that Maslow found among Peak Experience people, was that they tended to be great problem solvers (uhhh... like Albert Einstein). They saw problems as something that needed to be solved, and set about doing that, without drama, in the most efficient way possible. Their efficiency, no doubt, was due in large part to their access to a wide range of possible tools/solutions. That, and they were probably in the habit of trying to solve things... the habit of trying is also something one can acquire. Just get in there and do it, and pay close attention to both your methods and their relative successes and to those that you find who solve problems well. 

If you have access a range of tools/solutions, you have a much greater likelihood of operating in the Peak Experience mode. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Peak” - n. 1.) the pointed top of a mountian. 2.) a mountain, especially one with a pointed top. 3.) the point of highest activity, quality, or achievement.

I hope to have access to a wide range of solutions, so that I can spend less time problem-solving, and more time doing the things that I choose to do, doing the things I am made to do.

6th of March

“When asked how he made something as spectacular as his staue of David, Michelangelo replied:  “I did not 'make David'. He was already there, inside. All I did was to chip away the parts that were not David.”

- Michelangelo

This story has several versions, but this is the phrasing that I respond to the most. “All I did...” Love that. Just that little thing that resulted in his sculpture of David, a work that took him 3 years to complete. He finished it before he was 30 (he would be 535 today, by the by...). A colossal effort, resulting in an absolute masterpiece. 

I am going to assume this quote is relatively accurate, and though I admire the sense of humility that is conveyed, the sense that he was a channel, a facilitator for this work of art to come into being, I am even more intrigued by his perspective on the process. Obviously, he worked in a wide array of media, and only this particular medium lends itself so fully to this quote... there is no other form that is arrived at in quite this way. Most things are made, or built up to a degree, before there is editing, or altering, to get to your 'final draft'. I think most art is a mixture of creating and destroying, working something until it shines. In this case, you have a block of marble, where bits and chunks are consistently removed until you arrive at the shape you are trying to realize.

But this idea of removing the obstacles, of getting rid of anything that is not the final form, is truly cool. It assumes that there is a 'best version', or 'best form' for a particular work of art. I think this is true, though it is maybe rare that people can help to bring those things into existence. Perhaps, that is what we mean when we say 'masterpiece', or when we recognize that a work of art has changed the playing field irrevocably. 

So too, is this idea compelling in life. If I focus on trying to make something happen, it very well may happen, I may be able to manifest my best self, my best path toward that goal. Maybe. It might come about more easily, and more fully if I make room for an additional perspective: that of getting rid of any obstacles in my life. This does not mean I am going to mow over the neighbor, because I think they might get what I want before I can - quite the contrary. It means that I have to look deep inside and get rid of the things in me that will distract or derail me. It means I have to line myself up with that best self, that best path. I have to do what I am made to do, be the person I am meant to be. 

I wish there were a book where we could all just go look it up, but alas, it is more complicated than that. And maybe all the more beautiful when someone gets to that place... they create, they edit, they put in the work, and then they truly shine. If I can say this without being totally saccharine, when someone does put in the work, aim at something, and chip away the things that are not their best self, then they are, in the fullest sense of the word, a masterpiece.

Happy Birthday, Michelangelo!

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Masterpiece” - n. 1.) a work of outstanding artistry, skill, or workmanship. 2.) an artist's or craftsman's best piece of work.

May I conistently chip away the things that are not me, the things that do not help me to realize the things I am made to do. May I work toward my best self.

5th of March

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

- George Bernard Shaw

I do believe he's onto something, here. 

I have been thinking about playing quite a lot lately, mostly because I have a four year old running around at dizzying speeds. It makes me think back to when I was that age and a little older, and how I played with my parents vs. how I played with my friends. Obviously those two modes are going to be different - as they should be. My parents played with me, but mostly board games, or mental games. Which was great; I still am a big fan of a pretty wide range of board games, crossword puzzles, and other such fun. Good stuff. My parents were not the roll-around-on-the-ground or wrestle types... just wasn't their thing. Which was not a problem of any kind, I did that stuff with my friends. All good. 

I am maybe a little younger now as a dad with a 4 year old, than my parents were when I was that age.... but I feel waaay younger than they were. Part of this, of course, is memory, and how our view of our parents tends to be heavily filtered by what we think to be true as children. But I think part of this, is that, for whatever reason, I am right in there on pretty much any kind of play. Love it. Some would no doubt point to it as simply my being immature. They my have something, there. But, I maintain that a part of me is kept youthful, because I play a lot. My parents just seemed old to me... a big part of that was that they seemed to get more and more physically rigid as I grew older... that might be somewhat accurate, physically, but the other part was that they stopped playing, at least in some ways... this made them just seem older, seem more rigid. 

Please understand that I am not taking my parents to task, here. Loved them, had a blast with them, wouldn't change my childhood. But, I do think I will take Mr. Shaw's observation to heart, and make sure that I play actively, until I physically cannot handle it... Sometimes I have to remind myself to make play a priority over some dumbass chore... Have to be an adult, of course, but I don't have to be an adult to the exclusion of all the wonderful things that children do and are. No matter what your endeavors are, you have to have some fun. It is almost as necessary as air itself. 

Say yes to playing as often as you can. Be a little silly. Romp around, some. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Play” - v. 1.) engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose. 

I hope to keep playing, and in the process, have a boatload of fun, stay limber (both physically and mentally), and have some more fun. 

4th of March

“Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.”   – Plotinus

...“But if men and women are up from beasts and on their way to gods, they are in the meantime rather tragic figures. Poised between the two extremes, they are subjected to the most violent of conflicts. No longer beast, not yet god – or worse, half-beast, half-god: there is the soul of mankind. Put another way, humankind is an essentially tragic figure with a beautifully optimistic future – if they can survive the transition.”

- Ken Wilber (from Up From Eden)

I don't believe myself to be either god or beast, but I do recognize the parts of myself that lean a little more toward unrestrained nature, or conversely, do things on a more thoughtful, more selfless level. When I find myself in some sort of quandary, I generally have these two parts in the mix, both wanting their way. I don't see one or the other as being better necessarily, they just are. I suppose I hold the thoughtful in higher esteem, the trick is not to view the natural impulse as completely negative.  

As such, my aim is generally more toward the thoughtful side of things, but the other side has its place, too. I suppose, once again, balance is the key here. Though my idea of balance here, is not an even split; more of a focus on trying to be thoughtful, with the understanding that the beastie side is not a bad thing in and of itself. If I take care of my basic, elemental needs, then I am in a better position to do for others, and have more room in general to be thoughtful. 

I have to say, I love Wilber's view of humans as being 'essentially tragic with a beautifully optimistic future' – beautifully put. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Quandary” - n. 1.) a state of perplexity or uncertainty over what to do in a difficult situation.

I hope to avoid quandary as much as is possible, and to have my many parts in balance, so as to manifest the more optimistic side of things. 

3rd of March

“Not every person has the same kinds of talents, so you discover what yours are and work with them. Don't try to be me, or try to be Frank Lloyd Wright, or try to be I.M. Pei. Try to be yourself. You have to understand what drives people to build buildings.”

- Frank Gehry

This resonates with me on two levels: one, where he is Frank Gehry, ridiculously talented architect, saying that you need to be true to your talents and not try to be anybody else, and two, the link between understanding what drives people and creating spaces for them to live, work, worship, or play in. Not what people do, though that is connected to drive, but what motivates them.

I kind of freak out over his buildings – if you know not of them, go forth and investigate. Explore. From the wildly imaginative and seemingly impossible structures like The Walt Disney Concert Hall in downtown Los Angeles, and the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, to his more modest structures using found or industrial grade materials (his home in Santa Monica, for example), he is endlessly inventive, and continually interested in pushing at all sorts of boundaries. If I remember correctly, he has been quoted as saying “If you know where you are going, it's not worth doing.” I'm paraphrasing, but this is close. Love that. This is a guy that will never hang up his spurs. 

'Use what you got' is pretty much what he gets at, repeatedly, in different ways. But he would never suggest that you use what you got in the 'expected' way... no, no, no! Work it into something new, something that is a unique expression of you. Which requires, first, that you look deep within yourself, and then to look deep within people on the whole. And then to keep looking, keep learning. 

I maintain that you need to understand what drives people (first of all yourself) to build, or do, anything. If you want to do it well, that is. From whatever perspective, it is a crucial thing to be able to do. Not unhelpful to be able to access more than one perspective, by the by. At the very least, if you have put in the work to try to understand people, whatever it is that you are doing, making, or building will resonate with people, because they will be a part of it in an integral way.

That is a thing to aim for, methinks. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Resonate” - v. 1.) produce or be filled with a deep, full, reverberating sound. 2.) evoke or suggest images, memories, or emotions. 3.) produce electrical or mechanical resonance.

Try to be yourself. Try to understand what motivates people in general, but certainly those that are around you regularly.

2nd of March

“One will rarely err if extreme actions be ascribed to vanity, ordinary actions to habit, and mean actions to fear.”

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Though the man may have not had the fluffiest, happiest worldview in recorded history, he did have keen insight. In this assertion, more than most. 

Thinking about this quote in regards to the wide array of humans, is helpful, maybe in that I can look at situations with an extra perspective, a little more understanding. But where I may get the most out of it, is by looking at my actions in light of the above. Are there exceptions to what he is saying? Of course. But, looking over my past, I can say that, in quite a few instances, he is spot on.

“Extreme actions” can be negative extreme actions, but I take his meaning to be more of the 'larger than life' moments... most of these, in my life, have been because I wanted to be seen doing them, I think. With few exceptions. 

Habits are habits, specific to each person, and therefore, what is usual to one, may not be usual to another. 

The “mean actions” are the most interesting to me.... In almost every instance I can think of where I have been mean to someone, or mean in the sense of being small-minded or petty, I have been fearful. There may have been other things going on, too, but the primary ingredient has usually been fear. Think about it in your own life. From being out-and-out harsh to someone down to mild gossiping about someone, there is a significant part that is driven by fear. Whether they make you question yourself, or by their actions challenge your worldview... the essential piece in saying 'you are wrong', in a mean way, is usually, I think, saying 'am I right?' This is totally outside of trying to help someone see something a certain way, or teaching... It is talking them down, or lashing out. In the more extreme example of physical aggression or violence, it is clearly almost always a response to being or feeling threatened. Cornered animals will attack why? Because they are afraid.

If you can take away the adrenaline rush that comes from fear, your world will be a decidedly calmer place. It is truly amazing what you can do if you take fear out of the equation. At the very least (and by 'least' I mean elemental), it is much easier to not lash out, to be kind. That is a pretty excellent springboard for just about anything. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Mean” - adj. 1.) spiteful and petty; unkind. 2.) ignoble; base. 3.) low in quality or grade; low in value or amount. 

I hope to not be mean in any way, shape, or form today. May I be free of fear. 

1st of March

“For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.”

- H.L. Mencken

O the wit! O the bite! And... he is right, as he often was. There are clear solutions to many of the problems that may get thrown in our way, but for most of the really tricky ones, a system of small fixes is required. Or a really big Super String Theory type solution. Either way, it requires some focus and some tenacity.

What I am continually amazed by is how we, as a species, can come up with answers that are pretty wide of the mark. Regularly. I know that I can be so sure of myself, on occasion, and so wrong. Comical, really. But the more I focus on balance, and the more I use my sounding boards, the less I seem to be in the position of way wide of the mark. Taking some time to make decisions, at least any kind of decision that is important, is helpful, too. 

On the other side of the spectrum, there are solves that are simple (and right for the given situation), but hard. We generally know what we have to do, it is just a question of whether or not we want to do it, whether or not to do the work. Don't know why this is, but it seems to be largely true. 

Wading in and doing what needs to be done, after some reflection, thought, checking-in, is a powerful modus operandi. Practicing this will make it a skill you have easy access to. Clearly, a thing to aim for.

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Perspicacity” - n. 1.) the quality of seeing clearly into things. Insight, or a clear understanding of things. 

I hope to have the perspicacity to see things as they really are, and then have the strength and tenacity to do what needs to be done.

28th of February

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.”

- Agnes Repplier

I spoke at length with a friend today, who is in a rough spot. As these conversations often do, the topic came around to happiness and contentment. What defines these two states? Are they the same thing? Are they inextricably linked? 

The definitions will change from person to person in the specifics, but overall, I think, it generally comes down to that 'wanting what you have' thing vs. 'having what you want'. It is maybe a subtle distinction, linguistically, but it makes a world of difference in a practical sense. And it requires a bit of work, for most of us, to clear away the obstacles to happiness, to get to a place where we are receptive to being satisfied (satis being the Latin for 'enough' or 'sufficient'), and are willing to accept things as they are. This does not mean 'settle', by the way, in the pejorative sense. It doesn't have to be about giving things up. 

There are those who will disagree with me, those who are certain that happiness does lie in things acquired, or collected. And it certainly can be a rush of happiness for certain events or things... there is nothing wrong with that. But, in any kind of lasting, meaningful way, happiness does not come from without, as far as I can tell. It really has to do with being comfortable in one's own skin... in enjoying the talents we have, in attaining goals that we set ourselves. Self-sufficiency seems to be a part of the deal. The more self-sufficient we are, the less dependent we are by definition, and that means we have more choice, more room to move. Ultimately, we are more sure of ourselves. 

Happiness can occur from out of the blue, sure... but mostly it is a choice, and it requires a little effort – on some days it can require a lot of effort. It seems silly. but there are times when I need to remind myself to choose happiness over bitching and moaning. Too funny.

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Contentment” - n. 1.) a state of happiness and satisfaction.

May you remember to be happy about all the things you can possibly be happy about. May that happiness spread far and wide. May you be comfortable in your own skin...

27th of February

“I wish you all the joy that you can wish.”

- William Shakespeare (from Merchant of Venice)

As a child, I was frequently told that “You can only keep it by giving it away” and “Those who have the hardest time accepting a gift or compliment, generally are not in the habit of giving them.” This Shakespeare quote reminds of these other two... though they are all slightly different in focus, they get at the same thing: giving of yourself. 

If I possess some quality or advantage and I don't share it, or make use of it, then it will likely wither (see Ebenezer Scrooge as extreme example). If I do share it, or give it away, then paradoxically, it will grow (see MLK, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, and those that give  generously who are closer to home, as above). Don't know why this works exactly, but it does. It is why charitable people generally seem to be happy people, I think... it is not that they are innately happy, and as a result are charitable, it's that they derive happiness from helping others. 

I think most of us hear, as children, that it is 'better to give than receive', or some such maxim. It is a point well worth revisiting, regularly. Not just for the happy/good/joy that you will feel, though that is excellent, but also for the good that it does other people. This may be true of material gifts and or financial help, but it is especially true of the less tangible gifts one can give: Love, Joy, Assurance... even a smile can do some good. 

Before I devolve into total cheesiness, I will stop. Practice magnanimity, which at its most basic level means 'generosity', but if more literally translated from its Latin roots, means 'greatness of spirit'. Seems, to me, to be the way to go.

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Magnanimity” - n. 1.) the quality of being very generous, especially toward a rival or someone less powerful than oneself. 2.) the quality of forgiving easily. 

I wish you all the joy you can wish. I hope you are in the frame of mind to wish a lot of joy...

26th of February

  “I Remember Galileo”

I remember Galileo describing the mind

as a piece of paper blown around by the wind,

and I loved the sight of it sticking to a tree 

or jumping into the backseat of a car,

and for years I watched paper leap through my cities;

but yesterday I saw the mind was a squirrel caught crossing

Route 80 between the wheels of a giant truck,

dancing back and forth like a thin leaf,

or a frightened string, for only two seconds living

on the white concrete before he got away,

his life shortened by all that terror, his head

jerking, his yellow teeth ground down to dust.

It was the speed of the squirrel and his lowness to the ground,

his great purpose and the alertness of his dancing,

that showed me the difference between him and paper.

Paper will do in theory, when there is time

to sit back in a metal chair and study shadows;

but for this life I need a squirrel,

his clawed feet spread, his whole soul quivering,

the hot wind rushing through his hair,

the loud noise shaking him from head to tail.

O philosophical mind, O mind of paper, I need a squirrel

finishing his wild dash across the highway,

rushing up his green ungoverned hillside. 

– Gerald Stern

I have to say, I can relate to several mind modes.... I have my times when I am the paper blowing around from thing to thing, periods of quiet and stillness, periods of steady focus, and, sometimes, I am the frenetic, urgently purposeful squirrel. 

I suppose it's all good, as long as I am fairly balanced between the various modes.... Depending on the task at hand, my needs, and the needs of those around me, I can hopefully have some small amount of influence over the mode of my mind... although some days, I just show up, and see what's going on. 

Mostly I opt for being part of the information highway, the accelerated exchanges – plugged in, and a little wired, over the detached and floating airiness. But, I have to remember to take a break from that pace... lest I burn out the bean. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Purposeful” - adj. 1.) having or showing determination or resolve. 2.) having a useful purpose, intentional.

I hope to be mindful and purposeful and to keep balance in mind.