8th of March

“It is not the pearls that make the necklace, but the thread.”

- Gustave Flaubert

Leave it to Monsieur Flaubert to see something in plain view and present it in a way completely opposite to the usual perspective... or opposite to not thinking about it at all. When I first read this quote, it was very much like my first time seeing that drawing where from one particular focus you see the old witch-like lady, and if you shift your perspective, you see the beautiful young woman. Of course it is the thread ! Cannot believe I didn't see that.... 

Now, to be sure, thread on its own is just thread, not a necklace. You need a bit of both. But if I pull back to view my family, or my life, with this quote in mind, it reminds me to view the smaller, less obvious things, with equal, or even greater, importance. Great to have the big days, full of events, and important moments. But most of our days are not like that, most of them are regular days. These are the days that make a life. What keeps that life from being mere existence are the pearls, so to speak, but they are held together by the day in, day out habits and occurences. 

Big bunch of pearls is just that without some kind of throughline, something to hold one thing next to another. While the 'pearls' are excellent and wholly inspiring – first tooth, first word, big splash in the school play, a fantastic anniversary dinner, a ringing success on something you have worked on a long time – today, I toast consistency, the throughline, the everyday. I toast what makes it all hang together, what makes it meaningful. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Perspective” - n. 1.) the art of drawing solid objects on a two-dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth and position in relation to each other when viewed from a particular point. 2.) the relation of two figures in the same plane. 3.) a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

I hope to remember to realize the worth of the smaller details, and see that what makes things meaningful is often not the most obvious thing. My perspective makes a world of difference in how I see what is before me. 

5th of March

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

- George Bernard Shaw

I do believe he's onto something, here. 

I have been thinking about playing quite a lot lately, mostly because I have a four year old running around at dizzying speeds. It makes me think back to when I was that age and a little older, and how I played with my parents vs. how I played with my friends. Obviously those two modes are going to be different - as they should be. My parents played with me, but mostly board games, or mental games. Which was great; I still am a big fan of a pretty wide range of board games, crossword puzzles, and other such fun. Good stuff. My parents were not the roll-around-on-the-ground or wrestle types... just wasn't their thing. Which was not a problem of any kind, I did that stuff with my friends. All good. 

I am maybe a little younger now as a dad with a 4 year old, than my parents were when I was that age.... but I feel waaay younger than they were. Part of this, of course, is memory, and how our view of our parents tends to be heavily filtered by what we think to be true as children. But I think part of this, is that, for whatever reason, I am right in there on pretty much any kind of play. Love it. Some would no doubt point to it as simply my being immature. They my have something, there. But, I maintain that a part of me is kept youthful, because I play a lot. My parents just seemed old to me... a big part of that was that they seemed to get more and more physically rigid as I grew older... that might be somewhat accurate, physically, but the other part was that they stopped playing, at least in some ways... this made them just seem older, seem more rigid. 

Please understand that I am not taking my parents to task, here. Loved them, had a blast with them, wouldn't change my childhood. But, I do think I will take Mr. Shaw's observation to heart, and make sure that I play actively, until I physically cannot handle it... Sometimes I have to remind myself to make play a priority over some dumbass chore... Have to be an adult, of course, but I don't have to be an adult to the exclusion of all the wonderful things that children do and are. No matter what your endeavors are, you have to have some fun. It is almost as necessary as air itself. 

Say yes to playing as often as you can. Be a little silly. Romp around, some. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Play” - v. 1.) engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose. 

I hope to keep playing, and in the process, have a boatload of fun, stay limber (both physically and mentally), and have some more fun. 

4th of March

“Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.”   – Plotinus

...“But if men and women are up from beasts and on their way to gods, they are in the meantime rather tragic figures. Poised between the two extremes, they are subjected to the most violent of conflicts. No longer beast, not yet god – or worse, half-beast, half-god: there is the soul of mankind. Put another way, humankind is an essentially tragic figure with a beautifully optimistic future – if they can survive the transition.”

- Ken Wilber (from Up From Eden)

I don't believe myself to be either god or beast, but I do recognize the parts of myself that lean a little more toward unrestrained nature, or conversely, do things on a more thoughtful, more selfless level. When I find myself in some sort of quandary, I generally have these two parts in the mix, both wanting their way. I don't see one or the other as being better necessarily, they just are. I suppose I hold the thoughtful in higher esteem, the trick is not to view the natural impulse as completely negative.  

As such, my aim is generally more toward the thoughtful side of things, but the other side has its place, too. I suppose, once again, balance is the key here. Though my idea of balance here, is not an even split; more of a focus on trying to be thoughtful, with the understanding that the beastie side is not a bad thing in and of itself. If I take care of my basic, elemental needs, then I am in a better position to do for others, and have more room in general to be thoughtful. 

I have to say, I love Wilber's view of humans as being 'essentially tragic with a beautifully optimistic future' – beautifully put. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Quandary” - n. 1.) a state of perplexity or uncertainty over what to do in a difficult situation.

I hope to avoid quandary as much as is possible, and to have my many parts in balance, so as to manifest the more optimistic side of things. 

1st of March

“For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.”

- H.L. Mencken

O the wit! O the bite! And... he is right, as he often was. There are clear solutions to many of the problems that may get thrown in our way, but for most of the really tricky ones, a system of small fixes is required. Or a really big Super String Theory type solution. Either way, it requires some focus and some tenacity.

What I am continually amazed by is how we, as a species, can come up with answers that are pretty wide of the mark. Regularly. I know that I can be so sure of myself, on occasion, and so wrong. Comical, really. But the more I focus on balance, and the more I use my sounding boards, the less I seem to be in the position of way wide of the mark. Taking some time to make decisions, at least any kind of decision that is important, is helpful, too. 

On the other side of the spectrum, there are solves that are simple (and right for the given situation), but hard. We generally know what we have to do, it is just a question of whether or not we want to do it, whether or not to do the work. Don't know why this is, but it seems to be largely true. 

Wading in and doing what needs to be done, after some reflection, thought, checking-in, is a powerful modus operandi. Practicing this will make it a skill you have easy access to. Clearly, a thing to aim for.

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Perspicacity” - n. 1.) the quality of seeing clearly into things. Insight, or a clear understanding of things. 

I hope to have the perspicacity to see things as they really are, and then have the strength and tenacity to do what needs to be done.

28th of February

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.”

- Agnes Repplier

I spoke at length with a friend today, who is in a rough spot. As these conversations often do, the topic came around to happiness and contentment. What defines these two states? Are they the same thing? Are they inextricably linked? 

The definitions will change from person to person in the specifics, but overall, I think, it generally comes down to that 'wanting what you have' thing vs. 'having what you want'. It is maybe a subtle distinction, linguistically, but it makes a world of difference in a practical sense. And it requires a bit of work, for most of us, to clear away the obstacles to happiness, to get to a place where we are receptive to being satisfied (satis being the Latin for 'enough' or 'sufficient'), and are willing to accept things as they are. This does not mean 'settle', by the way, in the pejorative sense. It doesn't have to be about giving things up. 

There are those who will disagree with me, those who are certain that happiness does lie in things acquired, or collected. And it certainly can be a rush of happiness for certain events or things... there is nothing wrong with that. But, in any kind of lasting, meaningful way, happiness does not come from without, as far as I can tell. It really has to do with being comfortable in one's own skin... in enjoying the talents we have, in attaining goals that we set ourselves. Self-sufficiency seems to be a part of the deal. The more self-sufficient we are, the less dependent we are by definition, and that means we have more choice, more room to move. Ultimately, we are more sure of ourselves. 

Happiness can occur from out of the blue, sure... but mostly it is a choice, and it requires a little effort – on some days it can require a lot of effort. It seems silly. but there are times when I need to remind myself to choose happiness over bitching and moaning. Too funny.

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Contentment” - n. 1.) a state of happiness and satisfaction.

May you remember to be happy about all the things you can possibly be happy about. May that happiness spread far and wide. May you be comfortable in your own skin...

27th of February

“I wish you all the joy that you can wish.”

- William Shakespeare (from Merchant of Venice)

As a child, I was frequently told that “You can only keep it by giving it away” and “Those who have the hardest time accepting a gift or compliment, generally are not in the habit of giving them.” This Shakespeare quote reminds of these other two... though they are all slightly different in focus, they get at the same thing: giving of yourself. 

If I possess some quality or advantage and I don't share it, or make use of it, then it will likely wither (see Ebenezer Scrooge as extreme example). If I do share it, or give it away, then paradoxically, it will grow (see MLK, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, and those that give  generously who are closer to home, as above). Don't know why this works exactly, but it does. It is why charitable people generally seem to be happy people, I think... it is not that they are innately happy, and as a result are charitable, it's that they derive happiness from helping others. 

I think most of us hear, as children, that it is 'better to give than receive', or some such maxim. It is a point well worth revisiting, regularly. Not just for the happy/good/joy that you will feel, though that is excellent, but also for the good that it does other people. This may be true of material gifts and or financial help, but it is especially true of the less tangible gifts one can give: Love, Joy, Assurance... even a smile can do some good. 

Before I devolve into total cheesiness, I will stop. Practice magnanimity, which at its most basic level means 'generosity', but if more literally translated from its Latin roots, means 'greatness of spirit'. Seems, to me, to be the way to go.

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Magnanimity” - n. 1.) the quality of being very generous, especially toward a rival or someone less powerful than oneself. 2.) the quality of forgiving easily. 

I wish you all the joy you can wish. I hope you are in the frame of mind to wish a lot of joy...

26th of February

  “I Remember Galileo”

I remember Galileo describing the mind

as a piece of paper blown around by the wind,

and I loved the sight of it sticking to a tree 

or jumping into the backseat of a car,

and for years I watched paper leap through my cities;

but yesterday I saw the mind was a squirrel caught crossing

Route 80 between the wheels of a giant truck,

dancing back and forth like a thin leaf,

or a frightened string, for only two seconds living

on the white concrete before he got away,

his life shortened by all that terror, his head

jerking, his yellow teeth ground down to dust.

It was the speed of the squirrel and his lowness to the ground,

his great purpose and the alertness of his dancing,

that showed me the difference between him and paper.

Paper will do in theory, when there is time

to sit back in a metal chair and study shadows;

but for this life I need a squirrel,

his clawed feet spread, his whole soul quivering,

the hot wind rushing through his hair,

the loud noise shaking him from head to tail.

O philosophical mind, O mind of paper, I need a squirrel

finishing his wild dash across the highway,

rushing up his green ungoverned hillside. 

– Gerald Stern

I have to say, I can relate to several mind modes.... I have my times when I am the paper blowing around from thing to thing, periods of quiet and stillness, periods of steady focus, and, sometimes, I am the frenetic, urgently purposeful squirrel. 

I suppose it's all good, as long as I am fairly balanced between the various modes.... Depending on the task at hand, my needs, and the needs of those around me, I can hopefully have some small amount of influence over the mode of my mind... although some days, I just show up, and see what's going on. 

Mostly I opt for being part of the information highway, the accelerated exchanges – plugged in, and a little wired, over the detached and floating airiness. But, I have to remember to take a break from that pace... lest I burn out the bean. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Purposeful” - adj. 1.) having or showing determination or resolve. 2.) having a useful purpose, intentional.

I hope to be mindful and purposeful and to keep balance in mind. 

25th of February

“Make use of the things around you.

This light rain

Outside the window, for one.”

–  Raymond Carver (from Sunday Night)

'Make use of'... as a phrase, inspires warmth in me... part of it is that my Mom said it a lot when I was a kid (that, and 'Here, make yourself useful' which was generally a warm invitation to join her in some chore or activity)...part of it is that it is a phrase which speaks to the tie between industry (note the small “i”) and creativity. And not just for purely creative endeavors... I have watched friends fix things in surprising ways, enjoyed more theoretical combinations, and, of course, there are the more artistic examples. 

Joseph Cornell would be one of the first to jump to mind for his shadow boxes and collages... and it occurs to me, that making use of the things you come across, is very different from 'found art' or accidental inspiration of some sort... those are often excellent, but are almost purely examples of someone's vision of a thing from their own perspective. Again, that can be interesting. But this 'making use of' something, a la Cornell, or Carver, involves the work that goes into seeing it a certain way, and then the work that goes into moulding it, or rendering it into something useful, something beautiful, or something interesting, maybe thought-provoking. 

As I write this, it is raining outside the window, so there's that. But, that rain could be a thing to be all dreary about, to whine about the weather, or the whatever... or I can choose to enjoy it in some small way. I can do something in response to the rain... let's say go get under the covers. But how I do that is my choice, and my intention around the activity, no matter what it is, defines the activity: I can climb under the covers to escape, and stay there all day, or I can celebrate the grey, wet day by climbing under covers for a bit, to read, to nap, or just to think. I can even make it a whole other thing by inviting my partner to join me, or by playing a game under the covers with my 4-yr old. There are a myriad of possibilities. Whatever it is, I can make use of it. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Useful” - adj. 1.) able to be used for a practical purpose or in several ways. make oneself useful : do something that is of some value or benefit to someone.

I hope to be useful today. Perhaps I can make use of something that I would have otherwise overlooked. 

24th of February

  “Stanley Kunitz”

I used to imagine him

coming from the house, like Merlin

strolling with important gestures

through the garden

where everything grows so thickly,

where birds sing, little snakes lie

on the boughs, thinking of nothing

but their own good lives,

where petals float upward,

their colors exploding,

and trees open their moist

pages of thunder ―

it has happened every summer for years.

But now I know more

about the great wheel of growth,

and decay, and rebirth,

and know my vision for a falsehood.

Now I see him coming from the house ―

I see him on his knees,

cutting away the diseased, the superfluous,

coaxing the new,

knowing that the hour of fulfillment

is buried in years of patience ― 

yet willing to labor like that

on the mortal wheel.

Oh, what good it does the heart

to know it isn't magic!

Like the human child I am

I rush to imitate ― 

I watch him as he bends

among the leaves and vines

to hook some weed or other;

even when I do not see him,

I think of him there

raking and trimming, stirring up

those sheets of fire

between the smothering weights of earth,

the wild and shapeless air.

                     - Mary Oliver

If I remember correctly, Mary Oliver studied with Stanley Kunitz. If this poem is any indication, she had a huge amount of respect and reverence for the older poet. In their writing they both share a keen observation of the world around them, and work to relay how it strikes them. I suppose you could say that of most writers worth their salt, but I think it is especially true of these two, though they are very different poets.

The thing that strikes me this morning, is the combination of work and amazement. These are writers who both work hard to render their personal amazements, and relay them to others. They pay close attention to their surroundings, and are often in awe of what they witness. I think they work to pay that close attention, and then they work to convey what they saw, what they felt. 

The relief she feels at discovering that this man worked steadily at it to get his results is something I can relate to. It is easy to see people with great talents and assume that they just open the faucet of creativity or ingenuity and let it pour out. That they just have something I don't, and cannot acquire. This is especially true for me of artists and creators, but it applies across the board. True, they the talented almost always have some innate talents, and perhaps grew up in an environment that encouraged them one way or another... but in every instance, as far as I can tell, they worked hard, for a long time, to be as good as they are. 

It's not waving a wand and making a beautiful flower appear from thin air... it's noticing, and paying attention closely enough to see the interesting thing about the flower (which, by the way, might not be about beauty at all). Then it's all about the weeding, the pruning, the nourishing... consistently working, and with respect. Then and only then, is sharing an option. 

Embedded in this poem is also, I think, her acceptance of her own learning process. Everybody learns from others. You don't need to come up with it all on your own. Imitate, ask,  learn, work hard, and make something that is your own, eventually... but don't freak out if you haven't broken the mould right out of the gate. 

Pay attention. Work hard. Enjoy your amazement, whatever it may be inspired by....

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Wonder” - n. 1.) a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable. 2.) a strange or emarkable person, thing, or event.

May I pay close attention and see more than I might normally do. May I have the willingness to work hard, consistently.

21st of February

 “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.”

- Alice Walker

You look around and you cannot help but see there is an awful lot of truth in this statement... you may also see that there are people who loudly intimate to the room at large that they have power of one type or another, who have very little power in the true sense of the word. They are simply loud about what talents they may or may not have. 

There are such obvious examples all around of the abuse of power, that the word often has a pejorative ring about it. “Those in power...did something bad/unethical/nasty/thoughtless...” But, there are also daily examples of people using their talents and powers to great effect, and for good things. We see people with real power every day.

In the best sense, it seems that those with power almost glow with it... the power of being consistently kind... the power of being confident in your talents... the power of being sure of yourself... the power of knowing you are on the right track... the power of being loved and loving in return...the power of knowing you have been of great service to another person. These are powers that are all around us, if we take time to notice them. More to the point, they are powers that are inside us, activated by doing, by direction, by making the most of potential. They are there if we choose to cultivate them. The first step is to recognize them. 

If we are lucky we will harness our own powers and be able to show others (either directly, or by example) that they, too, are powerful.

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Power” - n. 1.) the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality. 2.) the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.

I hope to realize the powers in and around me. May I use them in the best possible ways for me and for those around me. 

17th of February

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.  
 - Ernest Hemingway (from The Sun Also Rises)

Without question, one of my favorite quotes. As someone who had seen a fair bit of adversity at a relatively young age, it was good to read this to remind me that everyone has their hardships, and that, though some will not be mended, many are. On the whole, humans are resilient. At no point in the mix, does the world have a special axe to grind with me - it does what it does to every single soul. Might as well try to have a sense of humor about it. 

I certainly feel stronger at the broken places (at least on most days)... It has led me to volunteering, put me in a position to be of help, and it is probably responsible for the bulk of my ability to be compassionate. It is probably also responsible in large part for my sense of humor. In there with some deep understanding, and intense feeling, is a choice to not take myself too seriously, to be flexible, and to have some laughs. 

Obviously there are those who focus on the 'life breaking us all' piece and are, as a result, all gloom and doom. There will be rough patches, yes. But there is a lot of other stuff, too. I maintain that if it weren't for the darker things, I would have less appreciation for the lighter ones. 

There is also a certain confidence that comes from having been through some rough patches, and gotten through them. They happen, and they end. One way or another. 

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

“Resilient” - adj. 1.) able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed. See 'flexible'. 2.) recovering readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyant.

I hope to be flexible, strong, and to have some perspective on things. May I remember to laugh...a little laughter can go a long way. 

15th of February

“Little things affect little minds.” 

- Benjamin Disraeli (among other things, a 19th century British Prime Minister)

I am pretty sure Mister Disraeli, with his assuredness, and his razor wit, was being a wee bit the intellectual snob, here. Which is entirely his perogative. I have to say, I do so enjoy reading his many proclamations and assertions. 

Whatever his purpose, I am interested in this quote as it pertains to the various minds I may have in the course of a day, week, or month.... On my better days, my mind is in gear, is open, and does not get held up by small agitations, roadblocks, or other things that might keep me from doing whatever it is that is before me. On my lesser days, my mind can be more or less blown out of the water by 'little things': the proverbial shoe lace, a perceived slight, something that is not working the way I think it should be working.  And I consider myself a fairly balanced person, so I am assuming that this polarity of 'minds' is something that most people experience, in varying degrees.

So, yet again, it seems that my frame of mind is really the key to how my day will go, the key to how I will be able to move through my day. The better I take care of myself, usually, the better my frame of mind. Weird.... 

Weirder still that the better my day goes, the better it goes for the people in my immediate vicinity. In fact, my good day, may even be contagious....

the Keeper (word to think about/keep with me for a bit): 

"Moderation" - n. The avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one's behavior or political opinions. (This is one of Disraeli's favorite words, by the by. Also, I am put in mind of the position of 'moderator', as in a debate, who would be the person charged with keeping the two (or more!) sides in check, and maintaining the flow of the event. The Moderator, then, keeps things going smoothly.) 

I hope to not sweat the little things today, so as to have room for the things that truly matter, be they my family, my friends, or the things close to my heart. Here's to having a contagiously good day...